My family went to the HOT DIGGITY DOG today. Its a self proclaimed honky tonk place with country music playng and picnic tables to eat at. My kids really like the place and its twisty tangled fries. Another couple sat at the metel picnic table behind us. My 3 yr old son almost fell off of the bench but caught himself. He started crying because he was tired and a bit emotional at the time. As my wife tried comforting him the woman behind us gave an ugly awful rude look in our way then rolled her eyes. It was as if she thought she were in a fancy coffee house or a expensive high class restaurant and we were unworthy to be there with our children. Some people love thier fellow man and others walk around being irritated with anything that doesnt fit thier idea of acceptable. This simple event got me thinking when she left. There are billions of us walking the planet, and billions before us and billions yet to come. Have I ever met a person that sincerely loved thier fellow man? Even if thier fellow man was different from themselves? Its a fact you cant escape, we are all different. Always have been always will be. From the time we are little we drift off into our little clicks and define who we are then associate with others who see themselves and the world in similar ways. Then we look down on the others and justify our views and the way we treat our fellow man. All hypocrits guilty of the same crime only from different angles. Were all the same. I overheard a woman once say ” I hate mormons, they are all so judgemental”. Could she not see the hypocricy in that? Even now im sure many who read this are trying to find my typos, or to see how idiodic my comments are, and are itching to respond saying so. Life repeats its patterns on many scales. From small dissagreements to all out wars. People hating people. Is it because we are all so different, or because we are all the same? Enough of my rambling, my question to this little sample of humanity is, have you ever met a person who truely loved his fellow man? No conditions, they just couldnt help themselves and loved the neighbor as much as the distant stranger? Ive had a crying child on an a bus before and knew people were irritated, a man came up and smiled and offered my child a treat, he was sincere and kind to me as well. He seemed to put himself in our shoes. Ive seen people like this only very rarely. Where are they all hiding? What makes them this way and why cant I do it? The hatred boiled in me as the woman glared at my crying son. I dont like the feeling but it comes easily. To love always would feel so empowering. To understand and respect people while still not agreeing with them. What if she wasnt directing that glare to us? I suppose it shouldnt even matter. A loving heart is capable of love even when spit upon. Are any of you like this? Do you desire to be?
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
I know of two such people that I am priveledged to have in my life. One is my mother (I know I know) she is a social worker and works with the mentally ill. If that isn’t someone who can love everyone I don’t know who is. Other people have told me the same in regards to my mom.
The other was a lady that used to live near me. Seeminging always happy, always friendly, always looking to give. Everyone seemed to truely love her.
Though these people are ENCREDIBLY rare they are around and honestly I don’t know how they do it! I guess I let my moods really effect how I treat people… I try not to, but I’m just as human as most of the rest of us I guess
Oh how I wish I could be like these people!
Yes,
Byron Katie …. http://www.thework.org
Ive noticed peoples reactions to one another among myself and within. I have done the same thing as others have done to me. I was so outraged one day…as it was a bad day to begin with. As it progressed significantly more so in negative thought, turned it into a UN-meant physical emotion, and created quiet the reaction to myself. The point was, I flipped a finger to someone I had not yet realized, had just smiled at me in a positve, and caring tone.
Back in the late nineties I flew to DC to pack up my Mother in Law to fly her back to Idaho to live with her only child, my husband and I.
Her husband, my then husband’s dad, and my then Father In Law had recently died. Mother Mary lived alone in her apartment that she owned.
Washington D.C. is strange, in many ways. Many people are crammed into small areas. Mom and Dad H. owned an apartment in an apartment building, but they still had to pay monthly “up-keep” fees for ground care and hall care. They lived on the 4th floor and their manager was a black man.
As I said, Dad Hardin had died, and Mom Hardin was all alone. Mom H. began having multiple mini seizures (TIAs). I convinced my husband that we had to go out and get her, bring her to live with us and sell her property. He finally agreed.
The week before we left Mom H. had another TIA, but this time it was a full blown seizure and it happened while she was walking in a busy intersection of Washington D.C.
A Doctor from D.C. contacted me and I told him about her medical history. No one knew she has a history of TIA’s because they’d not been diagnosed. I just suspected that was going on, she’d refused to go to a doctor each time the episodes had previously happened and now her life was in danger.
Then I called the one person who’d gone out shopping for her when she couldn’t go out for groceries herself, when she’d had TIA’s in the past. He’s the man who helped take her garbage out, helped her move furniture, helped her take packages to the mail box, and help her change light bulbs; etc; he was a black man; a skin color she never trusted; but the only person she could depend on in her old age.
I asked him to take care of her, once she was released from the hospital, until we got there to pack her up and move her out. He agreed to watch out for Mom H., without hesitation.
I wish I remembered his name.
Huh?
Sorry Wendyjo, you lost me on your last 2 comments.
I think we all have days where we’re “short” with those around us because we’re just having a bad day, but I think overall we all have good inside us. Albeit some more than others.
I also find kindness varies dramatically across the country. I think overall people are much more kind to their fellow man in the country, away from the hectic and stressful lives of the big city. Having lived in a number of large citys I can tell you that for the most part people won’t give you the time of day. Case in point that elderly man that was hit by the car in Philadelphia (I think it was) and laid in the street for quite some time before anyone bothered to come to his aid. This is the mentality of a large city. People don’t have time to be bothered with nor do they want to get involved with anyone elses business.
However I find this is almost the complete opposite since I’ve moved here or even when I go to visit my parents who also live in a small town.
In closing I think all people have it in them to be kind to their fellow man but many times people get so wrapped up with their own busy lives they’ve forgotten how little energy it takes to give those they interact with on a daily basis that extra little smile or take a minute out of their day to offer a helping hand.
I think the media has contributed to this as well. They’ve made us believe that everyone we see on the street is a potential murderer, rapist, pedophile etc. Which is why nobody will look you in the eye anymore as you walk down the street.
I think CR67 hit on a very real issue. Our kids are taught from a young age not to trust anyone, and it’s a hard habit to break.
You hear stories about a person who shoots an intruder in their home, and is tried for murder, or people who are accused of a crime because they actually tried to help the victim, and I worry that it makes us second-guess our instinct to help.
Also, there are the “women’s libbers”, for lack of a better term, that snip at any man that tries to hold a door open for them. That really ruins things for us women that appreciate those little gestures. (and yes, I hold doors open for people as well)
A smile to a stranger, or a simple hello, goes a long way, and happiness IS contagious, just like the Coca Cola ad
Wendy, TIA’s aren’t seizures. They’re really warning, or mini strokes that cause no lasting damage, but are a symptom that a major stroke may be imminent. People can live with simple seizures, I have for years, but TIA’s require immediate attention.
As to the topic, sure, I’ve known, and do know genuinely nice people. They’re not hanging out on every street corner, but they’re really not all that far apart either. I have one neighbor moved off the block about a year ago (darnit) that was probably the nicest family I’ve ever known. The older couple that live across and down the street from us, same same.
It could be niceness is transient, it comes and goes. jumping from one person to the next like the demon in the Denzel Washington film Fallen. Scary, huh?
Most of the truly spiritual people I know are nice, like all the time. Last I heard the Dali Lama was a pretty nice guy, but for some reason you can’t say that for some other religious leaders. Also scary.
Stone the question becomes, what’s your spiritual trip? Mainstream religion, communing with nature out of doors, not so mainstream religion, volunteering, or what? What do you do to become less “me based” and more giving based? It’s the people that have stepped away from the me base that have what you’re looking for.
That’s because my me base is always thinking about me. About what they’re doing and how it’s affecting me. She shouldn’t have looked at me like that, he shouldn’t have taken my parking place, the missionaries should leave me alone, don’t they know I think all Mormons suck, it goes on and on when I’m off center on a spiritual basis. We’ve got a guy hanging out on this list right now that knocks me so far off center that I usually have to read past his comments because I can only be nasty to him now.
Different people do different things to bring themselves back to center. Some people are so slick they can count to 10 and they’re cool. Other’s are messed up enough that if they get mad on Wednesday they’re in for a rough week because they’re not gettin fixed til they get to Church on Sunday.
Me, I meditate in a number of different ways, and it doesn’t matter which style of meditation I use, it turns off that jabbering monkey mind of mine. The one that leaps from the lady’s look, to the parking place, to the Mormons, to the terrible meal we had at Sherri’s last night, to what ever it want’s to think up next.
When the monkey gets shut up, things get quiet, I find myself off the me based merry go round, and life is really different. It’s something you have to experience to understand. It was like smoke and mirrors when I first started using it.
Most religions promote meditation of one sort or another, but I have no religious affiliation, if you’re not religious either you might search a simple secular meditation site up. It’s called the Here and Now Meditation, you can google it under those terms if you’re interested.
Can you not be “me based” and still be kind to others?
Sure you could, but certainly not to the mother of the crying brat in the restaurant, the woman who looked at me nastily, the guy who took my parking place or those terrible people at sherri’s who sold me the pot roast that made me sick.
I could have a smile for everyone else I passed on the street, let folks turn left in front of me, joke with the greeter at WalMart, and all kind of stuff. But don’t dare cut me off in traffic bub.
lol
unfortunately even some of the kindest people get frustrated with those they don’t know.
it’s easier to be mad a people you have no clue about, aka total strangers driving down the street or the service guy you called to fix your phone line.
I think most people are a lot kinder face to face.
People are much more rude behind the wheel. I especially like those people that speed up as I’m trying to pass them. Heaven forbid I get in front of them when they were driving too slow to begin with.
I was travelling up in Northern Idaho trying my best to sell insurance a few yrs back. I rode up w my boss as my car had just died the week before. Rather then ride back w her, I told her I was going to just catch the buss back home to I.F from Couredalane or thereabouts that I wished to make a pilgrimage to a small oldschool independent church up there that is still up there.
She didn’t get it, and asked why I couldn’t just go to church down in IF. I tried explaining wo getting deeply into a religious discussion as she was mormon and I knew that she “wouldn’t get it”. I sorta told them as much as I could wo getting into it and arguing religion w my boss, but just said that there aren’t any Israelite churches where we are at.
I was dropped off on the highway about 1 1/2 hrs away from Sandpoint Idaho, my destination. Out of what would have taken me hours upon hours to walk, I walked for not more then 20 mins that whole way there all the way there and then back to Couredalane to catch the buss after attempting to go to church there.
The people that stopped along the highway there ranged from a young stonery guy in his 20’s, a group of 3 or so guys that said they too were on some “mission”, a couple of others that just gave me a ride for 15 mins before dropping me off and continuing on their journey, and a couple that were catholics that picked me up as I was marching to Canada they said and that this was for certain the wrong way to get to Courdedalane to catch a buss to I.F.
They picked me up, bought me food at Albertsons, drove me all the way to the buss stop and waited w me for a half hour or so before heading back an hour drive, and the group of 3 guys that were as well kinda stoners knew exactly where my church was at Iw as headed to, drove me there, and drove me back to the motel6 and even paid for my nights stay there. I’ll never forget all the people that helped me out, as I said a 2 hr or thereabouts drive, and I only walked for 20 mins tops maybe.
I have since been stranded out in I.F. and even out in the country in I.F. where there was liklely not going to be another soul all night long only to have people drive passed you as fast as you can, yell “get outta the road!” or when flagged down and they could clearly see my broken car, only tell me sorry – that they were running late and then take off as fast as they could.
People up north are an entirely different breed then SE Idahoans. I realise this is a generalisation and a blanket statement but still – over all, in general people up there from the several times I have been up there are kinder, mid their own business and yet still are willing to help a guy out, even if they don’t agree w ya. I call it more “libertarian” minded. Totally different from SE Idaho esp. I.F. area. I think it has something to do w the rural thing and IF is more city minded and the majority of the populous can tell if you don’t look like one of their “bretheren” and aren’t about to stop for ya. I get that people are more comfortable around their own types and I even support that idea to the fullest, but when it comes to just being semi-decent to people it seems like niceities are a bit more rare down here as compared to up there.
Yeah, I know what you mean about the people in Coeur d’ Alene, in Kootenai County, and the surrounding area. I lived there awhile when working for the forest service between semesters of school, and loved every moment of the experience. Honestly, it was heavenly. And I thought that one day that’s where I’d finally live … forever. Haven’t made it yet.
Still, Coeur d’ Alene and it’s hometown folk are a heavenly like down to earth people and wonderful place to be.
I’m a nice guy.
N. Idahoans just have that spirit about them that is independent and yet willing to help others at the same time. I think that is why so many people; retirees, unemployed, rugged individualists, independent churches, patriots, individuals claiming sovereign citizenship etc etc. all move up that way. All the ones that the mainstream has said have no right to any sort of ideals that aren’t a part of it, are the ones that seem to move up that way. I get that SE Idaho has it’s own ’spirit’ and its own culture, but in contrast – the folks up that way really seen to get that kindness and help others out mindset that so many down this way would just as soon chuck to the wind.
Isn’t northern Idaho where the Aryans had their compound? A couple decades ago they had some reports of those cattle mutilations, too. But it sounds like they have lots of really nice people there, too. I’ll bet it’s not much different than here, maybe it’s just who you happen to run into.
There are a lot of kind people here, and it’s unfortunate that the “bad apples” have tainted the opinions of so many people.
There are bad apples everywhere. Even in Northern Idaho. As a matter of fact, there was a local attorney in Coeur d alene recently arrested for dealing large qty’s of blow out of his home and office.
I agree with OG Taylor, it more than likely has to do with who you happen to run into, associate with, etc.
I think it has to do with the size of the community.
In general the bigger the city they more likely people are to drive on by, figuring someone else will stop and help. When you are in an area with small “villages” people are much more likely to help,because there are less people to do the helping.
That’s at least how I see it.
I’ve lived in the Idaho Falls area, the Moscow, Idaho area, and various cities in France. You meet good people and bad people wherever you go. Erase memories of the bad and recall the good, that’s the best way to retain faith in humanity.
So much for it being all sunshine and rainbows in Northern Idaho. http://www.kidk.com/news/local/47056687.html
There are pyschos everywhere you go.
Don’t forget the Aryan Nations crowd…
I think a lot of the perceived unfriendliness around east Idaho is due to the fact that a very large percentage of the population here now is from larger metropolitan areas and don’t have that friendly “be nice to your neighbor” small town mentality. They are used to existing in their safe bubbles and ignoring those around them so they continue that behavior here. Unfortunately that behavior is contagious. There has definitely been an increase in the general animosity of east Idaho over the past several years. There are still lots of great people here but sometimes the jerks you encounter make it seem otherwise. Welcome to big city life.
Ahhh, a hater of Californians finally bubbles to the top of the stew. I knew one of you would show yourselves eventually.
who said ANYTHING about California? is that the only metropolitan area? I’ve met more people from big cities in Arizona recently than Cali.
I guess people hear (read) what they want to…. especially when they are looking for something to be offended over.
Hot Diggity Dog is a great resturaunt! haha, but anyways down to the point, which i must say has nothin to do with your moral, but have you met the mormons in Idaho Falls??? for someone to say that they are judgemental is an understatement, you want a hard hitting blog, go to this town called Menan, about 30 miles out of idaho falls towards rexburg. Ive been witness to some of the most unreal acts of “civil” people. the area around rigby, menan, firth, and rexburg being the heart, is a sespool of ignorance.
I have been on the receiving end of some serious Mormon snobbery over the years, and being “not Mormon” growing up here can be rough, and my kids also experienced this.
On the other hand, we have been recipients of much needed help from the Mormons when we needed it (granted, because we had a ‘member’ in our household at the time). I’ve also, throughout my years, had many good friends and some family members that were and are Mormon that haven’t used their religion to make my life miserable. These people are very valuable assets to my life and happiness, and their religious affiliation is never an issue.
I think there are good and bad people everywhere, in every group, and we just notice the Mormons more here because the are predominant. I’ve heard the same comments that I hear about this area from people down south referring to Baptists.. it’s all relative.
That does bring up a question though. Are the Mormons still as predominant in the area as they used to be? Is there anywhere with reliable stats? (as reliable as stats can ever be, anyway)
I’ve noticed Mormons have a snobbish way about them towards people that aren’t Mormon. Like their better than the rest of us non-mormons. And they certainly won’t associate with you if you’re not a part of their sect. I never knew any before I moved here so I always though people gave them a bad rap just because. But having lived here and experienced it first hand, I came to realize everything they said about these people were true. Its odd too being that they’re supposed to love they neighbor and all, but in all reality, they follow their own set of rules. Doesn’t bother me any though. I stay away from them and they can stay away from me and thats how it goes.
Alice said it right though, there are good and bad types everywhere you go.
Funny, not my experience at all. Not a member or church- goer of any kind here, yet I associate weekly with men and women of different faiths, including the predominant one. We care more about the friendship and social aspects of hanging out and rarely bring up religion. Never understood how it becomes such a huge problem for others.