For my whole life, being a pirate has meant something. A group of people has to do some special things to be called Pirates. They have to take over possession of cities or ships at sea, maybe even caravans in the desert. They have to act as true marauders, killing, raping, and pillaging everything they’ve wrested from others, and when they’ve had their fill, they gather up their booty and leave for parts unknown. Usually a secret place to horde the best of their spoils, and to divide the common items amongst each other, so that they can conduct themselves as respectable members of society between raids. Unless they happen to be the surly type who chose to live among others like themselves in Tortuga or Chicago.
Then along came Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean, in which classic piracy was romanticized to the point of idiocy. What they did to my life view of a pirates true mission in life was shameful. It was good cinema, but it was still disrespectful to a dispicable profession.
The next step in the degradation of Piracy is what’s been happening off the coast of Somalia. These people have no sense of history and no interest in adventure or professional responsibility. They don’t overtake cities or caravans, only large slow container ships. They don’t rape or pillage, they just roar up on small fast boats, board container ships with guns and granade launchers, and let everyone know that they have been taken over. Then they terrorize the the captain so that they can start negotiations with the consortium that owns the ship and cargo. It’s basic kidnapping for ransom, they only want money. They get the bucks and they get in their boats and roar off into the night without killing, raping, or pillaging anyone.
Pirates? BAH! They’re Somalian criminals with fast boats and big guns. It’s just another example of how the media uses flowery language to make their stories more appealing. Call them terrorists or thieves, but don’t sully the proud tradition of the Pirate.
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Gato got runned over by Marcus many moons ago. Be ye daft, 2486? 
Let's have a new poll, alright, Joe?
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Proud tradition of a pirate? Oh brother, somebody’s read one too many books and watched one too may movies. While I agree that Hollywood glamorized the whole pirate thing, it’s only a movie and was meant for entertainment purposes only. There’s nothing proud about being a pirate. No matter how you slice it a pirate is a criminal.
Remember, Anonyone, this post is more of a guideline than a code . . .
But, yeah, I agree with you. Nothing romantic about being a pirate. Untwisted inadvertently sums it up by saying: “They’re Somalian criminals with fast boats and big guns.” No difference between these pirates — and that’s what they are — and the pirates of, well, to use a piratey word, yore.
They don’t rape though…or wear eye patches. I think you two are confused about what pirates really are!
You forgot the peg-legs, hook-hands and the parrots on their shoulders . . .
Thanks for reinforcing my statement!
Aarrrg, me maties, I’m certainly glad to see that there’s some humor to be found on ye ole Idaho Falls Blog.
Though t’worries me that there’s been no real notice of the similarity between Chicago and Tortuga..
We can all be thankful for the Somalian Pirates for doing their part to combat global warming.
FSM
This graph proves that we are destroying the earth by eradicating pirates.
http://www.venganza.org/piratesarecool4.gif
Perhaps you’d like to explain that to the family of the Captain that’s currently being held for ransom by these scumbags. Yeah, pirates are real cool.
Great graph on #8, we can use all the levity we can get
I’m confounded by Untwisted’s post. On one hand, you rail against Hollywood for “glamorizing” the Pirate life, then you declare it a “proud tradition.” My limited knowledge of pirates is that there was not “one” pirate “tradition”. Piracy has been around about as long as sea-faring trade has. You had the Barbary pirates, which are closest to the pirate we know in the popular media, but you also had the State-backed Privateers which engaged in economic warfare against competing countries or trading companies.
So to become all uppity about hollywood and the media smudging the “good name” of pirates is a head-scratching moment for this site. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I personally love pirate lore. We I born a few centuries earlier, you bet yer bacon I’d be sailin’ the open seas for me livin’. Beat the 9-5. Plus, there are more wenches and ale involved. But just a little more.
Would your wife like the wenches?
Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy.
I never said they had a good name. I called them surly, I referred to their profession as despicable, I repeatedly called them rapists, killers, and pillagers.
I did say they had a proud tradition, but that would be an inner pride of their own. If a shipload of real pirates were to happen upon the bungled mess that’s happening off Somalia right now, I have a feeling that the wanna be pirates now in control would be taught a lesson, and they’d be the first ones to be raped, pillaged and killed.
Then who knows, they might show some of that proud tradition by sailing away from that container ship, knowing they’d extracted their pound of flesh from the four imposters who dared call themselves pirates.
Read me right or you’ll be swabbin the decks next week me boy.
What the hell is Obama waiting for? The captain jumped out of the dingy today to swim for it….they should have sharpshot the pirates and fed the bodies to Jaws.
Nice to see four pirates keeping the power of the US Navy at bay. What a pathetic foreign policy we have inherited. America is the laughing stock and this may very well encourage more attacks and put more sailors lives at risk. Maybe Mrs. Clinton should be in the region exercising some of that diplomacy Obama spoke so highly about that would save all of our problems. All she can say is the boat is out of gas…..kind of ironic that she really seems to be describing American willingness to defend ourselves and prevent future attacks.
Captain Jack Sparrow would be proud of the American response so far…..I for one am ashamed that we are returning to the days of Jimmy Carter foreign policy.
From what i read, 3 of the 4 pirates were shot dead and the other is now in custody. At least the captain is in safe hands and is reported doing well.
Bundy – how in the HELL can you connect this mess with Obama. You all sure have an ax to grind, don’t you. The pirate mess is NOT a foreign policy issue, it’s a legal one. It’s a hostage situation, not a military one. The fact that it’s in international waters means the military is handling it, but Obama’s FoPo has nothing to do with it.
Marcus – depends on the wench.
why don’t we just arm the freakin cargo ships? that would sure surprise the SOB’s now wouldn’t it?
Someone suggested that the other day on one of the networks and the response was, mutiny from the crew may then become a problem, so weapons are prohibited on cargo ships. Good idea though, at least for the captain to be armed.