Was this baby “abandoned”?
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Channel six ran a story last night about an Idaho Falls mother who left her three-month-old baby with friends, apparently on the false pretense that she was going to come back. A week after she didn’t, the mother told those friends that she couldn’t take care of her baby and she wouldn’t be back.
The friends took the child to Health and Welfare in Idaho Falls, and he’s now in foster care.
The mother’s a deadbeat, for sure. But, is this abandonment? Normally w
hen I hear the word “abandon” I think about a dumpster or a ditch. And in milder cases, a mother will just leave her small children at home for long periods of time alone. In my mind abandonment means there was little or no attempt made to ensure the child’s safety or welfare. But in this case she left the baby with friends.
Idaho’s safe haven law wouldn’t apply here, because the baby has to be dropped off at a hospital, and the infant has to be 30 days old or less.
A co-worker of mine made a point that any mother who feels unable to care for a baby should be able to leave it in safe hands without punishment.
So it begs the question… What’s more important, a baby’s right to be cared for and nurtured properly, or making sure that adults are responsible for their own children? That’s a tough one, huh?
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Comments
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2 
1 This is abandonment in the classic use of the term.
I disagree with Sisyphus on one point; the friends the baby was left with were a very safe choice for the mother, at least the safest choice she could make. They may have been the only people in her life that she trusted.
It’s not a criminal offense, because the baby was cared for continually after the mother took off.
This is a sad situation, but is probably the best for the baby. We don’t know the mother’s circumstances at all- maybe she was extremely depressed, felt inadequate, resented the baby, or couldn’t afford the baby. Maybe she learned she has a terminal disease…. we just don’t know.
3 or 4 generations ago, this was very common, and it happened in my family in back in the early 30’s. My grandparents took in a family member’s baby when the family just took off, in very similar circumstances. Although they never adopted the boy, they raised him until he was grown.
My grandmother said she had no choice but to raise him. The only other choice was an orphanage, and the orphanages were all full during the Depression. There were very limited social services in Idaho back then. While my grandparents were just as poor as everyone else, they had enough to take care of another baby, so they did without complaint. Doing anything else was seen as a shame on the entire family.
The drop-off was exactly the same as in this instance. The mother and father came by, dropped off the baby for ‘a few hours’, and was never heard from again here- none of us know what became of them. The boy was their only child.
He could have just as easily been left behind in the abandoned house to starve. Grandma said this happened all the time then. Sometimes all the children were left behind.
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2 1 Not to quibble too much boomer, but I.C. section 18-401 provides that: “having any child under the age of eighteen (18) years dependent upon him or her for care, education or support, deserts such child in any manner whatever, with intent to abandon it; [w]illfully omits, without lawful excuse, to furnish necessary food, clothing, shelter, or medical attendance for his or her child or children, or ward or wards” is guilty of a felony. Leaving it with friends would be a mitigating circumstance in sentencing but it is definitely a crime given the facts as recited.
What’s best for the baby will be the standard the State will have to fulfill from this point forward. I agree Its pure speculation on whether this was best for the baby. As one who gives time to the CASA program I can’t say that putting a child in that environment is always best but its usually better than the environment from which these children were taken. Abandonment is pretty rare, usually its neglect or abuse. I guess mom will never know if this was the best choice for the child.
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3 1 Please…!! she did not leave the baby, she did not starve or put the baby in a dumpster, or abandon it outside. Sure its not the best thing to do, but who knows what she is going through.
Im not condoning abandoning babies, but the baby is alive, safe and well.
Other situations you read about are not so humane!
just stop being holier than thou.
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0 2 Parents that can’t handle the raising their children obviously had developmental issues. I pin most of it on the parenting of their parents.
Abandonment or not, I believe that the “mother” (for the word carries more meaning than birth giver) should be legally penalized for her irresponsibility at the very least. In a perfect world she would be disallowed to have children in the future…one strike.
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2 2 Great post and comments. . .
remember that there are two arms of the law that reach out in a case like this (nice metaphor, eh?):
1. the baby could be deemed “abandoned” for purposes of the child welfare hearing; at that hearing, the only finding is a determination of what is in the best interests of the minor child; no “punishment” against mom; she is given an opportunity to clean up her act before any final disposition of the child’s custody is made;
2. the criminal case; the prosecutor determines whether to bring a criminal charge agains the mom for some kind of endangerment or neglect; then, of course, mom faces criminal sanctions which have nothing to do with the “best interest of the child” but are based on findings beyond a reasonable doubt.
I think for purposes of any child protection hearing, mom certainly “abandoned” the child by failing to make an adequate care plan for the child (i.e, not signing over temporary guardianship, for example); as far as any criminal action, I think she is guilty of reckless behavior but it remains up to the prosecutor to actively seek to have charges brought against her. . .
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3 0 I wonder if there are circumstances where a mother can voluntarily turn her baby over to a proper agency without being declared unfit first.
These days, there are multi-generation extended families that are very screwed up, but I never hear of some mom from this situation being proactive and giving up her baby before the authorities take it.
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3 0 Well, Boomer, maybe the young mother in this latest situation was a smart one. Maybe she realized she was incapable of caring for her child properly as the baby needed caring for, and deserved to be cared about. Maybe she decided to give the child a better chance than she could give the child her self, and did so in the only way she knew how — before abusing or abandoning the child.
Maybe the young mother did the right thing and is actually a hero.
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2 0 boomer, great point, and the answer is: absolutely! she could have called health and welfare and explained that she wanted to voluntarily relinquish her parental rights; the agency would have found a suitable placement and started the process towards the baby’s adoption.
No liabiltiy to mom in either the “child protection” or “criminal” spheres….
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2 3 I’m not trying to pontificate, Rhonda. The question posed asked whether it was a crime. It clearly is. Now how that will be handled will be up to the prosecutor’s office. I certainly don’t see where the state is interested in incarcerating mom for this, when what she needs is some education. And if she’d done the things you suggest she’d be guilty of far worse than abandonment. That would be a form of homicide, attempted or otherwise.
The Court system strongly disfavors terminating parental rights particularly when there is no one ready willing and able to assume parental responsibility. But abandonment is definitely a factor for doing so. The state rightfully doesn’t want to be in the business of raising children.
I don’t think the way mom handled this was at all smart. The people with whom the child was placed clearly didn’t want the child and were thrust into an untenable position which they punted to the state. Even if they want the child, getting custody and/or adopting will involve a much more complicated legal situation than if mom would have participated voluntarily. Putting children up for adoption by parents not ready happens every day. I have a colleague whose practice is primarily focused on just that procedure.
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2 2 It all got shook out in this morning’s paper…
Mom returned, got the baby back, and no charges were filed.
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2 2 Well that is good news.
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4 1 Any parent who cannot care for a child and has the strength to admit it and to give the child up should be commended. My impression of this area is that there are many undereducated persons who do not have the experience or knowledge to contact appropriate agencies to determine what the applicable laws are and how to go about legally giving up a child. A distressed parent would be even less likely to have the presence of mind to take such actions.
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2 2 anonymous, I would agree with you except for one detail: apparently, she didn’t let the friends in on the plan; in other words, if she had left the child with friends for a month, let’s say, and they were all in agreement about it, fine. No need for formality and at least they would all be on the same page. I still have to agree that misleading a babysitter and taking off is not an adequate “care plan”. she bears the ultimate responsibility for that child’s well-being and that carries through to any arrangements she makes with caregivers.
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5 0 Both excellent points. Those of us with children know there are good days, bad days, and really ugly days where you think “why did I do this”. It’s more stressful for those without family nearby to help out. Perhaps mothers like this one would benefit from a “respite mother program” - not foster care, but a place to safely leave your children while you decide whether or not to continue as a parent.
Does anyone here know if there is a program such as this? Is there a place in Idaho mothers like her can turn to? I think some moms & dads are afraid of the stigma, all the while becoming more angry at their life and prone to abusing their children. I know some will say “hey, you had the kid, it’s your responsibility” but I’d rather see a place for the kids to go safely if the parent feels they have no where else to turn. Good topic.
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1 2 I don’t know of any state-sponsored “relief nurseries” (which exist in other states across the country) but I do think some churches and private social service agencies provide these services….as several have pointed out, the issue seems to be access and information. An overwhelmed mother with no support system probably couldn’t find these limited resources. . . .I know in other states, such “relief nurseries” are well-publicized and accessible.
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1 2 Nothing tops this story! http://www.kidk.com/news/national/29743474.html
A father from Omaha Nebraska, drops off all 9 of his kids ranging from ages 1 to 17. What kind of animal does something like this?? This should not be allowed and Nebraska needs to review and reform this law that makes it perfectly legal to just “dispose” of your children at any age, up to 19. It’s HIS and his loser wife’s fault they decided to have 9 kids and after 17 years they just throw up there hands and say “thats it, we don’t want to do this anymore”. Are you freaking kidding me? What is wrong with people in this day and age? This isn’t a dog or a cat and where you just decide you don’t want to take care of it anymore. This is a human life that YOU brought into this world. Man up and take responsibility for your actions. I’m so sick and tired of reading stories like this. It’s like there’s a new child (or 12) like this that pop up every day somewhere in this country where the parents just gave up and decided they didn’t want to be parents anymore, and it’s gotten completely out of hand. These people need to be thrown in jail and have their genetalia permanently removed or sewed up so they can never have children ever again, let alone have sex.
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3 0 Hi, Guest House…
In the case of that Omaha father: he lost his wife to cancer. His youngest was a year old when his wife died, his oldest 17, and his wife was also a wage-earner before she became sick. He worked 2 jobs to provide for the kids after his wife died, and his oldest, a daughter, became a surrogate mom for her sisters and brothers. She left home at 18, leaving the 9 younger ones behind. The next oldest girl took care of the kids, but she was overwhelmed in turn. She is now 17. The father couldn’t keep their home and provide if he stayed at home and went on welfare.
He was very depressed after a year of this stuggle, and did what he thought best for his children. For sure, it was rotten for them all, but it wasn’t something that happened on the spur of the moment. The guy wasn’t smart, and he was mentally ill, but he did what he thought was the best for his children. You don’t know if he loved them, hated them, or anything about him, but you’re sure quick to condemn him without knowing doodley-squat.
Not everyone is equally well equipped or equally wise in their ability to raise children, but leaving them in a safe place where kids will get some proper attention is sure better than many of the alternatives, like downing them in a bathtub, suiciding, or just walking away and leaving the kids behind. While a drop-off is a poor way to cry for help, it is a cry for help. You are really exaggerating the incidence of this. And it sure beats a dumpster or a death any day of the week.
The problem is far from being out of hand, and your thoughts on corrective measures are extremely savage.
So, leaving children in a hospital is not a good solution, and some parents should not be parents in the first place. So what? Want a perfect world?
If so, go ahead and fix it all. You’re officially appointed.
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1 1 i know the person and its all a miss understanding she did nto leave her baby the lady was supposed to babysit while the mother went to work and they got in an argument on paying the babysitter the mother was having troubles getting finacial aid and the babysitter was pissed so in revenge she took the baby to child services and the babysitter was proven to be in the wrong and the state still took the baby from the mother now she is trying with all her might to get her child back even though she did nothing wrong
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0 1 You don’t know the whole story of why this baby got taken to H&W so you can’t make judgments about the mother tell you hear the whole case. I should know I’m the sister of the so called “dead beat mother” yes I will agree she is kind of dead beat but she still loved her child and she DID NOT just leave her baby at the babysisters.. You want the whole story email me and ask me… But don’t go making judgments till you know the whole truth.
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0 1 Km?¿?
Don’t volunteer that information, or speak of your sister and her circumstances so unfavorably. It would be to her and her child’s benefit if you kept your mouth and your fingers shut — tight.
They’ve enough court and public judgement to answer.
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0 0 I can volunteer whatever I would like to volunteer. You also don’t know if it would benefit her or not cause again you don’t know the whole circumstance. So YOU keep YOUR mouth shut. Sorry but the world doesn’t revolve around you and your big head. You may think you know it all but you don’t … It would actually harm her if I gave her name out and I wouldn’ t do that
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0 0 Well, I’m the brother in law’s second cousin and I know what really happened. But I’ll continue to let you all speculate and get it wrong.
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0 0 H O lee CRAP!
That young mother and her baby are related to a whole bunch of …
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0 1 Why am I hearing “Dueling Banjos” playing in my head?????
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2 0 This isn’t the tiniest bit a “tough one.” Forcing irresponsible adults to take care of children they don’t want is unconscionable. We need to quit treating children like property in our country. Pets are taken away from their owners for far less than what some children are subjected to.
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0 0 I’m still scratching my head as to why someone’s sister would write on a public blog “yes she’s kind of a dead beat but…”
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0 0 I put that she was a dead beat for the fact that she left her baby with irresponsible people
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0 0 I’m with you Wendjo, they shouldn’t be saying anything on a public board.
You never know what will come back and bite you in the behind.
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0 0 True, Alice, and obviously the “family” of the affected beings have little concern for their “loved ones.” One of them even goes so far as to call her own sister a “dead beat” after the young woman made sure her child was left in a safe environment.
That same family member calls the people in the home of the safe environment “irresponsible.” I disagree. They gave the mother of the child a full week to come back for her 3 month old baby, keeping the child safe the entire time. When it was clear the mother was not coming back they took the legal, moral and responsible next step; they contacted the authorities.
The authorities took the baby into custody and placed the child in a licensed foster home; as they should do in any situation like this one. The only person that might have behaved inappropriately was the young mother of the baby, but perhaps she was unable to get help for her child via any other resource. If that’s the case then, she did all she could do.
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I don’t think its a tough one open mind. Leaving your child with “friends” under false pretenses is not leaving your child in safe hands. Its clearly abandonment by most definitions. It doesn’t just mean to leave the child to die, whcih would make this a serious crime indeed. And now the child has become a ward of the state making s/he every taxpayer’s burden. That’s not responsible.
But I thnk your question was more focused on whether mom should be criminally charged. And I guess that would depend on many many factors which I’m sure will be evaluated. Health and Welfare is extremely underfunded and understaffed. Now there will have to be shelter care hearings to which mom and dad will have to be parties, either voluntarily, or in abstentia. But it will eat up many of these resources which could have been avoided if mom would have just voluntarily put the child up for adoption with a responsible agency.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sympathetic for mom’s plight, It takes a lot of hardship to break the serious bonding of motherhood and whether its mental illness, drug use, or just poverty there are few resources available in Idaho to help mom out of the despondency she surely must be feeling. And certainly this is exhibit A on why birth control and sex education should be widely and freely available. But this is no way to treat a child.