A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his (predominately male) patients while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. “Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”
2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
3. “Can you hear me NOW?”
4. “Are we there yet?! Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
5. “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
6. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
7. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”
8. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
9. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”
10. “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
11. “You used to be an Enron executive, didn’t you?”
12. “God, now I know why I am not gay.”
And the best one of all…
13. “Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, like I said about common sense, I get about 5 of these things a day in my inbox already, but hey it’s nice to have a chuckle and Joe you deserve to not have to come up with something else to write about this town every single day.
It is funny. I think a few comments have been added since I last saw it.
Archy, I enjoy reading what you write. Are you planning on writing any articles for this site? You have an interesting view of situations or people, or perhaps it is simply the words you use to write your views. It’s nice to have your here.
If anyone’s seen more comments added to this and they’re not obscene please feel free to comment them in.
OK4now: I would be happy to write an article, how would I submit it? It’s odd, I’m not a chatter or poster on sites but feel like I have a lot to say, here. So perhaps you can thank Joe and co. (yourself?) for my presence here. Thanks for making me feel welcome.
A little pre advice I might pass along to the proc:
“To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.â€
-Sun Tzu
Oh and I do have a topic that would fit in nicely in the single’s scene area.
Archy, did you register with a meowmail email? If that’s you, just click ‘login’ in the top set of blue links. If you forgot your password, click ‘login’ anyways and then click’ ‘forgot your password’; it’ll email you a new one.
If that wasn’t you, you’ll want to click ‘register’ above and follow the instructions.
Either way, after you login, you click the ‘Write’ link at the top left of the page, it’s fairly intuitive on that page what you do. Feel free to ask questions.
I look forward to reading what you have to contribute to the community.
Sorry, Archy, I didn’t look at this subject until now. Too darned busy. Joe, Skitterkat, OneEyeTrout and Zeth made me feel very welcome when I found this site. I remember writing Joe that I could feel intimidated by their previous relationships and connections to each other, having just found the site and reviewing it, but I refused to do that.
Like you, Archy, I really don’t write comments on blogs and don’t think I’ve ever entered a chat room for more than 1 min. But, this is different. This is in my blood – this is home, no matter where I am traveling or living. I care about the people and issues, given my relatives, my work and interests I have in the community.
I really hope that when visitors log on for the first few times, they don’t feel intimidated reading the chats of those of us who are trying to get to know each other better, exchange ideas and ultimately contribute. Every new person to register brings many new good ideas. I like having new people able to join at any point.
I recently underwent a colonoscopy and endoscopy (sedated) for the first time at the age of 34 (female). My GE has been trying to diagnose why I have chronic
diarrhea and lower abdominal cramping (1.5 years). And yes, I tried all sorts of elimination diets prior!
The doctor’s office (pre-visit) and later the hospital (for the actual procedure) were amazing. I was slightly worried about being sedated as I’ve never
been through that before but it all went very smoothly. Everyone explained everything in detail and gave me information sheets. There was nothing left to
“guess” and I felt very comfortable during the whole procedure and also about asking questions. I gathered information from the internet, including
Wikipedia, to better inform myself about what would happen and why. I will briefly tell you what happened (along with helpful pointers):
–> The day before the procedure I started the Halflytley Bowel Prep Kit I had obtained from the pharmacy the week before. For the clear liquid diet I stuck
with Sprite all the way. Right about 2 hours after taking the 2 tablets at noon, the first BM came along. From there, and all throughout drinking the
solution every 10 minutes as others have mentioned, I had dozens of pure watery BMs. I vomited once, which can be expected, and also felt quite gassy
throughout. This is where I want people to take note: your bum is not used to this many BMs, nor wiping all the time. Even the wet bathroom tissues were
painful. I would suggest asking for advice and using a diaper/nappy cream if possible…you really do need a barrier as I was literally in tears due to pain
on the outside. It took til 2 days after for me to recover just from this. I was never further than 10 steps from a toilet because the BMs come on suddenly
and exit quickly. Plan on being stuck in and getting through this in once piece. This was by far the worst part of the colonoscopy. By the next morning I
had only 1-2 small watery BMs just before the procedure.
–>For women: I suggest take a urine sample container home with you before you start the above preparation. The morning of the procedure I had to give a
urine sample and was just about fresh out of anything remotely resembling urine as I had emptied myself all too well with the above. I wasn’t allowed
anything to drink at all after midnight and nothing on the morning of the procedure and apparently you give the urine sample as they take a pregnancy test
minutes before.
–>Upon arrival at the hospital clinic, I checked in and had a short wait before a nurse did the prep work. She got me into a gown (complete with sockies
and a warm blanket) and inserted an I.V. with electrolytes. I had never had an I.V. and I was surprised at how painless it was. Another short wait and I
walked into the colonoscopy room.
–>For the procedure my GE doctor came from his office to the hospital, and in the room with him was a colonoscopy tech and a nurse. I was introduced to
everyone, they explained what they were doing, I signed some paperwork and moments later I was sedated. I felt nothing and never stirred during. Upon waking
(I believe it was about 40 minutes later), my doctor greeted me and told me that everything looked fine, but he did take 4-5 biopsies to send off for further
analysis. I was wheeled into the recovery room where I was given fruit juice. The nurse was very good to me and explained to my husband and I about the
follow up—what to eat and when and when to go back in for the results. She was there to make sure I could sit up properly and had me sit for a while
before standing. Though I was a little bit groggy within the hour I felt just fine and had my first meal in 2 days.
–>When I left the hospital I had a follow up sheet to take home with all the instructions and appointment information and also 10 color images on a sheet of
paper from the colonoscopy and 6 from the EGD (esphagogastroduodenoscopy) or endoscopy exam. They are absolutely fascinating and this whole experience has
helped educate me in how my entire digestive system works.
–>I just found out today that my biopsies came back normal so I’m going back in 2 weeks for the Pillcam (especially for small intestine viewing). I will
write about this after the procedure and results are back.
Whatever your reason for needing/wanting/being referred for a colonoscopy and endoscopy (and I’m well aware there are risks in this type and many other types
of procedures), please be aware that the procedure can go very smoothly and you can gain vital information in diagnosing.
had to stop reading part way through, a little to much info for me.
I guess the procedure went “smoothly”.
Ugh, a little too mucy information for what was meant to be a few funny real statements.
wow! I guess lisa didn’t realize this was supposed to be a funny post and ended up giving us a blow by blow account of her sticky situation. Thanks for sharing lisa….excuse me now, I have to find the restroom!
does Lisa have any fun childbirth stories to share? ha ha just kidding….
I found this by accident and sent a message to the wrong reply station, but the message here is thanks much to Lisa, I am having the procedure done next week and I have been feeling unsettled about it and looking for info on it and thanks to Lisa I feel less apprehensive. If you haven’t had this procedure due to your youth, rest assured you will and when it’s you on the table maybe you’ll remember, the puns and the information on this site. May you live long and healthy!