A guy dies, goes to He[[, and is bummed out about being there. Satan walks up and tries to cheer him up.
“It’s not that bad down here,” says the devil. “Do you like drinking?”
“Yeah, I like drinking,” replies the guy.
“Well, you’re going to enjoy Monday nights down here. We have open bars and every kind of booze possible and we drink all night and play all kinds of drinking games. Do you like gambling?” asks the devil.
“Yeah, I like gambling,” replies the guy.
“Then you’re really going to like Tuesday nights. That’s our gambling night and the whole place is a big casino. You’re given free chips and we do it even better than Las Vegas. You like doing drugs, don’t you?” asks the devil.
“Yeah, I like doing drugs,” replies the guy.
“Oh, you’re going to love Wednesday nights. We have our drug-fest that night. Everyone takes every kind of drug imaginable, and you don’t have to worry about overdosing because you’re already dead. On Thursday night, well, you’re gay, aren’t you?” asks the devil.
“Ummm, no, actually I’m not gay,” replies the guy.
“Huh. I guess you’re not going to like Thursday night’s activities very much then,” snickers the devil.
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Gato got runned over by Marcus many moons ago. Be ye daft, 2486? 
Let's have a new poll, alright, Joe?
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Area Man Puts On Some Nice Pants For Once In His Life June 19, 2008 | Issue 44•25
OAKLAND, CA—Hallelujah, what do you know—reports have surfaced that Michael Bohlke put on a nice pair of pants for once in his 28 years on this earth Monday. Bohlke, who had up to that very moment looked like a lazy bum just sitting there on the couch, stunned longtime critics by putting on a clean shirt, running a comb through his hair for God’s sake, and finally getting rid of that ratty Oakland Raiders cap that he’s had since, what, the seventh grade? At press time, however, it would apparently still kill Bohlke to shave every once in a while.