She is the epitome of a hopeless romantic. Images of sipping on a glass of wine by the fire: or a knock on the front door greeted by one lost love, the one , your thought to be one. Do any of us singles really believe in “The One”?… or for that matter do we really ever find it?. In a city of 53,000 people, are we supposed to believe we will find our “one” here.
Maybe he skipped church on Sunday , or just brushed past you while walking the river, but you had such a terrible day that you did not even bother to look up to notice who it was. It was him, the one that was so completely “perfect”, but you met him at the not so perfect time in your life. It all brings you back to understanding what you want and need out of a partner. Simple things: favorite coffee in the morning , a glass of water in the middle of the night, and just as you try to return the favor , he gently sits you down and says thank you. When i am fifty years old (young) i only hope those are the things that keep my relationship together, or rather keep my expectations “simple”.
No prison cell , no warden , equal respect…the greatest love. Does that exist?………
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{ 76 comments… read them below or add one }
Well sure that exists. It comes straight out of self love, not spending ones life searching and wondering and hoping. Who knows better you needs and wants, your innermost desires? If you need someone else to get you that water, you better see if you can handle getting it yourself first. For singles in this city, this area might cover more about what there is to do or even what it’s like being single here – something that relates to IF. (other than the population.) No offense but this seems more like a jilted lover’s musings that might be better in a blahg.
I can relate to what you’re saying. I’m not single now, but I’ve spent time in IF single, and if you don’t attend church or frequent the bar scene (not a good pickup place anyway), there really doesn’t seem to be a lot in between. It’s sad that people have to go online to meet people in their own city, but that’s what’s happening.
Ehhh, going online to meet locals for dates happens everywhere, please don’t feel you’re less or the city is less because of it.
The problem is there’s no major local dating website. I’d thought of starting one, possibly through here, and I have a script to run it, but a buddy said he also looked into it and a lawyer read him the riot act on all the liabilities.
I was thinking of trying it with a huge ‘i’m not responsible if you have a bad date or get killed’ disclaimer, but then that kinda discourages people from trying.
I don’t know, maybe a blind-dating service, have a form you fill out and I run a matching program that matches as closely as possible, then send emails to the two potential dates to try meeting?
I’m sorry if that didn’t come across correctly. I’m not putting down the town (I’ve lived here all my life). All I’m saying is that it seems that if you’re not someone who will meet someone at church, and you don’t want to meet someone at the bars, that your options to meet people anywhere else seem limited. There is nothing wrong with online dating, I was just saying that you shouldn’t have to go online to meet people that live in the same city that you do. The dating pages can really help, and all you have to do is limit your searches to the surrounding area and you’ll meet a lot of people. I think that your dating page idea is great, but I understand the liability problem. I wish people didn’t have to be so sue happy, but that’s a whole other conversation.
I think there are lots of places singles can meet singles, but are singles willing to think out-of-the box and give what it takes to find those other places? For example, a single pal of mine coaches a teenage basketball team every Sat. morning at 7:00 a.m. Great guy – how many women want to be there as his assistant or to cheer him on, after a long work week? Or, for women who seemingly have to do it all, the grocery store, the business that changes your oil, the store where you shop or the service that you give to others are all places to meet other single people.
I think what bothers me the most about this subject is something that Archy touched on briefly. It seems that many believe their special one will just appear in their daily life. If you are at a desk all day, stay home all weekend, with a few hours for either family/friends/church or other, where are singles creating opportunities to meet others? Volunteering to help with various community projects, getting involved in hobbies or interests can all lead to meeting other people who are single.
There is a saying (and I don’t know who originally said it), but I believe it to be relevant. “Anyone who wants to be married will be married. It’s simply a matter of what traits you are willing to settle for in a potential mate.”
You\’re definitely right about the \”put yourself out there\” idea. There is a saying out there (and one of my friends said it) that goes \”You\’re not going to meet anyone in your living room\”. Very, very true.
Most certainly true OK4now. Lots of places. And sometimes it’s nice to just go out and check people out. Be judgemental in the most un PC ways about who you might really be attracted to and think a bit about why. Look for people you could “fall in love” with, just see who they are. And aren’t. Don’t act on it. I asked a well connected friend of mine once how he knew so many people. He said ” I just look for people I might like and go say hi.” Just make sure you aren’t carrying in some baggage. It is important to love yourself through and through. The rest will follow.
Baggage Test:
http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/are_you_over_it.html
I agree, Archy, until one loves their own self to see the good, along with the less desirable traits, it’s hard to be attractive to anyone else.
Alright. onward. Joe’s comment let me to check out a dating site out of curiosity and I had to expand out past a 500 mile radius to find some folks. 1250 to find many. Maybe I’m just an oddball, but it is tough to meet people around here. And my friends suck at matchups. heh. But oh that girl at the bank…
Has anyone here actually met someone else from the area online? Any success? Luck? Horror stories? Sites? It seems like a good idea and all, but If you don’t live in a metropolis I don’t see that the odds can be very good.
My sister actually met her husband online, so there is one success story at least.
So where can one go online to meet locals, then? Because I sure can’t find ‘em. Now if you are gay, just go to Gay.com and meet all of the people you want. but otherwise…
Oh and on the single’s note I saw a poster for speed dating later this month. So get out there, singles. And mingle.
When I first heard of the speed dating concept, I was already married, but it sounded like a cool thing to do when you’re single.
Why isn’t it more popular among singles?
I’ve actually met and dated locals online twice, but I had to sign up for several different dating sites (just the free versions!).
And on Speed Dating, If I were still single, I’d be all over it, but I have never heard of it here. I think it would really fly if more people knew about it. I’d also like to hear how it went if anyone took action on the poster that was mentioned earlier, any stories?
I’ve heard on the radio speed dating events advertised, but only like once every three or four months! Not nearly as popular as I would think.
I think part of it has to do with venue. If they do it in a bar, many people won’t even try it. Nothing wrong with bars, but I’d have the impression I would only get a selection of barflys. If they had it at a church, many wouldn’t try it either.
They need it to happen like at the greenbelt or afterhours at the library.
It would seem to need an ‘icebreaker’ activity beforehand to loosen people up. It would seem to also need a sugggested ‘mini’ date activity for the synched couples to go on.
I saw on a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy where they were helping a reclusive geek get off his computer and outside, and took him to a speed dating event. The problem there was each person ranked their preferences, and the event coordinators collected the rankings and said they would email the results in a few weeks!
It would be much better to have a quick tabulation on the spot, announce couples for that evening, and maybe give out coupons for shakes and fries at local burger joints. That would encourage the couples to go on an immediate short date and decide if they like the other person. If they do of course it all goes forward.
If they decide they don’t like the person, hey why not have that speed dating every Saturday evening so singles can go another round. They wouldn’t be able to say there’s nothing fun for singles to do!
These are great ideas, but the problem is always someone to plan the events. That seems to be where the best plans fall in the dirt, unfortunately.
Maybe singles don’t stay single long enough to start any sort of clubs or meetings, and people who aren’t single don’t have the connection to the cause? Just a thought…
Excellent point, yeah either the system would have to be run dirt cheap (how much could the matching algorithms or methods cost? i don’t know) and be a quick event.
If it ran in the library afterhours we’d need the city’s permission, but if it’s like a quick half hour event that may not be so bad?
Then the local burger joints donating the coupons would probably make the coupons more of a half off rather than completely free.
And the facilitator would be donating a lot of time, have to be someone committed to the cause.
I was just thinking maybe one of the best things our local singles could learn is there’s a big world out there and they don’t necessarily have to marry someone local.
I hear stories of people stuck in bad relationships, and they don’t realize there’s like 3 billion people of the opposite sex out there. Out of those 3 billion there’s bound to be a few more good matches.
So So true! The more options you give yourself, the better your chances for success.
Archy, Maybe those single women you speak of don’t really know where to met men they might wnat to share significant time with, if not a lifetime.
I have mixed feelings about online services. That thing Dr. Phil is invovled with scares me. It basically says you will find someone to date in 6 months, or your money back.
As I’ve said before, anyone who wants to be married will be. It just depends on what they are willing to settle for in a mate. I believe the same is true in dating. That’s why that new site with Dr. Phil scares me. What people might get thrown together, just to say they had a date in 6 months? Is it that important to risk all one holds dear to just be able to say, “Well this website worked, as I went out?”
I like Joe’s idea, but would add one additional requirement. If things just didn’t click for someone or a few people, I think there must be a plan for a group acitivity as the stated goal. If a few people decide to opt out, ’cause a few sparks fly or others want to get to know each other better, they are free to leave and do that. But, I believe it has to be a win/win situation. If there isn’t a place for those who didn’t click to spend time with others (even talking about the events of the day, which builds skill and experience talking to people of the opposite sex), then I think some peope coud leave and not feel as positive about the experience.
I hadn’t heard of Doc Phil’s bit, but yeah that just doesn’t seem quite on. A place to chat is one thing, but most people who are that out to score permanent love that fast probably aren’t really ready for a relationship in the first place.
There is to be speed dating on the 16th at the Karate Mart or whatever it’s called. Posters on his doors and at the library.
Referring to Doctor Phil’s site and a lot of other “matchmaker”s, I also think that it isn’t so much a match in interests as much as a match in communication styles that may be important. Too many people try to either a)attempt to find someone just like them or b) change themselves and their interests to be just like someone they like. The best couples are the ones who, despite differences, and there will always be differences, can communicate and get along.
Archy,
I agree with your thoughts. What is kind of funny to me, is they market these sites as having such advanced knowledge about people, interactions atractions etc. I remember the one tv ad that says, “I meet X and the best part about is I can just be me.”
No doubt, they are giving parts of the Meyers-Briggs testing, and other personality inventories. So when the cards are shuffled, they certainly don’t match a person with their opposite in conflict resolution. People may be a little different in their likes and dislikes, but similar enough to enjoy many of the same things that are key to each person’s existence. However, I think the most important piece is what are the personality traits each person  has when things aren’t going well? If one melts down and the other absolutely can’t tolerate meltdowns, it’s not a good scene. I’m not sure two meltdowns, at the sametime,  are good matches either. It seems to me the key is to have a personality match with someone else that what may create a meltdown in one won’t cause the other to have the same reaction. And, on a different day, if the second person has a bad day, hopefully the first person will know how to say just the right, supportive things and help him/her through the rough spots until the meltdown becomes more of a let down, until the first person feels safe and cared about enough to start sharing his/her feelings about what didn’t go well that day. Â
 For me IMHO, communcation skills and conflict resolution skills are very important.
Being happily married for several years now, I often smirk on the misguided notions I had when single.
Communication has one of the key skills in the success of my marriage, and communication ability was never anything I thought of when considering a mate.
Maybe this is one of those issues we have no control over. The more we try to control it…the farther we get from it.
Like losing your keys, or losing weight….
Maybe we just need to lose our hearts and quit trying to search for them. They will turn up when you least expect.
I am coming to Idaho Falls on September 22, and cannot find any sourses to meet singles.
I have heard of singles on the go, and I understand they have a nightly activity or an event, but I cannot find out where or contact person or phone numbers……..if you can help me, PLEASE email me ASAP at robinsnest_6@msn.com
Thank you for you help. Robin
As someone who’s been single in this city for a year now, I can tell you that most people seem to hang out at bars or at church. I’d be more interested in a mixer of some kind at the Eagle Rock Art Museaum or the Carr Gallery. There is LOTS to talk about at those places. I’m not sure I’d be into the Speed Dating, I’m too much of a chicken for that!
My husband and I met online 8 years ago in a yahoo chat room. Neither of us was “looking” for a relationship. We just started talking online, then on the phone, and we did not even see pictures of each other for a few months. Eight years later we are still in love.
I also have friends who have met people from craigslist.com and myspace.com – and that seems to work for them too.
I think the internet is a great place to find love — you focus more on the person and who they are and not on superficial things.
However, there are predators so you always have to be careful, take your time, meet in public, etc…safety first.
I met my husband on match.com iin 2003. It was wierd joining at first, but think of it this way: There is a social circle of friends you hang out with that will never meet other social circles simply because of schedules, geography, etc. My husband and I were perfect for each other but we didn’t hang out in the same areas of town or even shop at the same grocery store. We are happily married with a baby daughter now.
Another thing – we felt safe emailing each other for awhile through the site, which protects your real email. Don’t reveal your real name or where you live until you feel it is safe. We cut through a lot of the “crap” you sort through and question in months of dating over a matter of weeks. Once we got through several potential issues in relationships (ie religion, sex, kids, careers, family life, hobbies) we knew we were ready to meet. We lost track of time on our first (public) date over dinner because we were so enamored with each other. Good luck!
It’s been a couple of years since anyone has added a comment to this topic. So, have all the single folk gotten married or have they given up on finding love and instead purchased a cat or dog to keep them warm at night. Of couse said critters can’t provide all the love & affection needed for us single folk! So are there any new places or ideas anyone can come up with regarding meeting new people in this town? The reason I bring this up is because somebody I know, (who will remain anonymous), seems to think I need a girlfriend. When in fact I’m quite content at being single.
Does anyone have any horror stories regarding online dating? Or has anyone found their mate online and it turned out great? Personally I’ve heard dozens of horror stories. Is this the only way to meet people here in Idaho Falls?
Unless you like the bar scene or are actively attending a church, where else is there to go meet other single people around here? (I usually hit the produce section at a number of grocery stores around town. hey….ya never know!)
Another issue that was raised during this “discussion” was the proper etiquette of Christmas gifts for someoe you’re dating, if you’ve only started dating say a month or two before Christmas. Not having had that problem before, I did think it posed an interesting debate. So what do you think? Being less than a month away from the 25th, what would be a good gift to purchase someone you just started dating?
On one hand you don’t want to spend too much money on them when you’re still in that early phase of dating and you’re not sure how long said relationship will last. And on the other hand, you don’t want to purchase something too inexpensive and come off as being “cheap” or a “tight-wad”.
What are your thoughts?
You might want to check out Southeast Idaho singles. It’s a group of 30+ year old singles who meet for various group activities through out the week and through out the holidays for friendship and fun. They go bowling once a week, meet for pot lucks, dances and for movies. They are a friendly and fun loving group.
I’ve seen some romantic relationships develop from the friendships but most of all I’ve witnessed men and women of many different ages enjoying themselves and each other in good, clean fun. Mighty nice folks, those folks are.
So, a Christmas gift for a lady you’ve only known a month or two and have maybe only seen a half dozen times or so? In these questionable economic times, and considering your personal economic situation as well as you e-feelings about the lady, that subject might be a bit hard to answer.
I’m guessing a nice card and a box of chocolates won’t do. What about one of those cheese and salami packages you can buy in the middle of the mall walk ways during this most wonderful time of the year? It’s not like they are cheap. Oh, so you want something a little more e-thoughtful.
How about fuzzy slippers? Get her a pair of those UGG slippers. It’ll keep her feet and heart warm and make her think of you every time she slips them on her toes (plus set you back about $55.00 bucks! THAT’S a lot of thought!).
Merry, Merry Christmas, CR67
That is an excellent post CR67. There are horror stories out there. I remember several years ago one woman who gave out her address and phone number after only a few e-mails…..and invited my friend to come over. Needless to say, he went over and it was like visiting Little Appalachia with hicks smoking, drinking, and babies crying. He was scared #$*^less!
haha Or how about the person that I met awhile back that talked about of all things the right to abortion….oh my gosh, it was an eye opening conversation to say the least. There are also some real nice people out there trying to find someone they can be comfortable with too. So, if you are careful and willing to take your time, it can be a worthwhile experience….just like visiting the produce sections! lol
As far as someone that you might be dating, it is simple enough to establish small little “likes” that they would enjoy and give them some. For instance, perhaps they have a favorite wine. Give them a good bottle of red, white, etc…..some roses, maybe some chocolate…..don’t buy Boone’s Farm or cheap chocolate, but get some good quality. If you are a good cook, cook for them on Christmas Day!
You could even propose purchasing a couples massage at one of the local spas, or even a pedicure or manicure. Those kinds of personal touches allow you to convey a sense of caring about their well being and ability to relax around the holidays. This time of year is so hectic, it is nice to just be able to relax for a change and that can be one of the greatest gifts to give anyone…..the privilege (and in some cases, the excuse) to relax.
Thanks for the responses…great comments from both WendyJo & Bundy!
Glad I’m married and don’t have to worry about it! The prospects in the bar are really not prospects at all. Won’t go further into that one. I got lucky – I married my supervisor.
As for gifts, I usually don’t get anything for my wife. Why go above expectations? However, if you’re courting a girl, you may want to get something kind of nice for her (to get her to stick around until the marriage license is signed)…but nothing so nice that it would set the bar too high for future gifts! And be sure that she doesn’t expect to receive gifts too often — you have to keep expectations low if you want to keep any change in your pocket!
Back to the where to meet people subject. Most of the prime courtship candidates can be found in mid-Spring around the high schools. Gas stations, fast food joints and such between 11:00am and 1:00pm. After school hours, you can usually find these prime subjects milling around the malls or even working in kiosks/retail outlets. Be sure to inquire about their college plans — if they mention student loans or grants, stop your courtship immediately! You want to find the girls with parents that have enough money coming in to send their daughter to school as this is a great indication of whether they can continue supporting their daughter (and you!) after schooling if the prospect ends up being a bit lazy. The only problem with these subjects is that they tend to be a bit immature; however, they’re usually much easier to win than the more experienced women.
Wherever possible, try to find a woman that can support you and stay away from the 18 year old girls. Women with PhDs usually bring in enough money to support even those of us with the most expensive needs (Sunday Ticket, 52″ plasma screen, XBOX 360, etc.). Don’t try to wow the female doctor performing your physical though — she’s seen…”better”. You’ll need to convince these women that you’re more than just a hunk of meat, at least until that marriage license is signed! After you have achieved this, you need to determine the bare minimum necessary to get by without a costly divorce! The divorce threshold is different for every woman, and some women refuse divorce as an option (my wife)…in some cases this is worse, as these “ladies” tend to place murder down on their list of options.
Have a great holiday season IFT!
I tried online dating for a split second a few years ago, and the only men I managed to converse with were looking for a good time as they drove through town.
Pretty much soured me on the online dating phenomenon.
Too funny Marcus……but somehow, I think that some of what you are stating is blatantly true! That is more than funny….it is scary! lol
Yeah…there are definitely some guys out there that comb malls and such for the high school girls. Can’t say I agree with it, but they make me laugh.
And their usually the guys with the “comb overs”. You know the ones…..their going bald but feel the need to comb those few really long strands of hair over the top of their baldness. Are they really fooling anyone?
No way Jose.
“I CAN SEE YOUR SCALP!”
Shouldn’t talk negatively about yourself like that CR…
LOL JK (of course)
My baldness is the result of an experiment gone bad!
That research company said their wouldn’t be any side effects…….dammit man!
Hi, CR67…
I’m pretty much in the same boat. I’ve been single now for as long as I was married, and I’m pretty content at the moment. There are a couple of casual ladies in my life, so who knows? Maybe some deeper commitment may develop.
Unlike Alice, who had a bad experience with internet dating, I got into an internet relationship that lasted for 7 years. The physical distance between us- a 12 hour drive one way- proved to be too much to overcome, and we could never reach a good compromise. If we had been able, we’d probably be married by now. We are still good friends. I guess that’s a good lesson- there is a Romeo for every Juliette and vice versa, but there’s a lot better chance of things working out if the Romeo or Juliette is within a reasonable drive away!
regards,
Boomer
Thanks for all the great replies everyone!
7 years Boomer? That’s quite awhile. And having met online that’s pretty good. I haven’t known too many relationships that have turned out very well with online dating, but like yours, I’m sure it does happen. Otherwise it wouldn’t be as popular as it is. Yeah I would agree…12 hours one way would be a little tough. If I do happen to try the internet thing, I’ll have to remember to keep it confined to someone in town.
Oh well. Great comments though!
I never had the nerve to try the internet dating. I haven’t heard of any long-distance that has ever worked out. There may be some out there though. I’m sure I’m going to get blasted for this next comment, but I think it is tougher for women to find someone to date than it is for men. Okay, blast away.
It is really tough to find decent men to meet here. The bar is absolutely no place to meet someone, and if you’re not a churchgoer, that really narrows down the options.
I know that there are groups and such, but thankfully, my man and I found each other and I don’t have to worry about it any more.
I have to say you’re right. Everybody in IF that isn’t married is just rotten! LOL
CR – definitely try Barnes and Noble – a good looking woman with half a brain browsing a particular section would be easy to start conversation with about a book or subject you both happen to be browsing together – check out her ring finger, then invite her over to the coffee shop for an overpriced latte! Voila!
Great idea Reader!
Ahhhh yes….”the ring finger”. (one of the first things I look at) lol
And hey, it’s in the mall, so you can scope out the youngins after you get done perusing the selection of intellectuals!
Ick Marcus! You’re welcome CR! If I was single, it may work on me. You’re right, not attending church and having done the bar scene way too much in our college years leaves…… what?
Hey ladies, there’s an idea – what “approaches” might work on you? Let’s share a few secrets with CR!
This is one of those times when it would be helpful if we actually knew each other, as I’m betting we could be a blind date resource for ifz friends!
Try using PlentyOfFish.com…it’s free so just beware. Anybody and everybody is on there. But, you can at least search within your own zip code…and there are lots of East Idaho people there. But, be on your guard…especially you ladies. The guys there solicit for sex mostly. (So I’ve been told.)
“Ahhhh yes….”the ring finger”. (one of the first things I look at) lol” said CR67 in comment #48.
Soooo, lord of the rings, are you? Looking to see there is not a ‘precious,’ you are!
No, I don’t pay attention to jewelry adornment. Then again, I don’t hang out in bars. But I’ve never been into rings and things even though married twice.
The first time I told my soon to be husband not to be concerned about a ring, I wasn’t into jewelry, and didn’t want him to sign up for a bill just because we wanted to say “I do.” Besides, we were in college and didn’t need the additional expenses.
He bought me a cheap ring. One of those “promise rings” kids give each other in high school. It was good enough and we used it to get married. That marriage lasted 2 1/2 years (then we discovered we really didn’t like each other — oh well).
After finishing college and starting my career/profession in the medical field, I met my next soon to be husband. He was and continues to be a doctor. When it comes to money he’s also exactly like his mother: He has plenty of money but is stingy as hell and will lie through is teeth to make sure you think he’s sitting on his last dime. That way everytime you and he go out, all expenses are paid for by you. He’s cheap but he’s not dumb.
He tells me he wants to marry me. Mmmm, ok, good. Since we’ve been living together for a year that might make both our families happy. I’m still not a jewelry fan, so tell him, just like I told hubby #1, not to go into hock for a wedding ring. He, just like hubby #1, chooses a cheap “promise ring” like a high school kid would get for his first long term girlfriend. It worked.
The first ring, from my first marriage, I gave to one of my patients at SHS. She’d never had a ring before. She lost the ring. The second ring, from my second marriage, I gave to my only child from that marriage. She too lost the ring. Oh, well.
I think I’ve always been unimpressed and probably even disgusted by most jewelry because of most of my female relatives fascination with the metal and stone combination adornments, While growing up, they’d show up at holidays and other family get togethers wearing great big smiles and huge diamonds — purposefully flashing their teeth and stones in the faces of less wealthy relatives faces. It made me sick. Those bitches did no more than run their kids from activity to other event, boss the house keeper around, write out checks, and drink. The women they were showing off in front of worked out of the home 8 to 9 hours a day, raised their own children, cleaned their own homes, and didn’t try to show off anything in front of anybody.
But two years ago I decided I deserved a damn diamond ring, damnit! So I went out and bought the most expensive diamond ring I ever owned and ever will own, damnit! I went to Walmant.
For $50.00 bucks I was able to get me a diamond chip ring (not stone — way too expensive and flashy for me).I’m happy. But if you look at my finger you’d probably think I’m married, but I’m not. I’m just and individual and expressing myself.
I’m happy.
I’ve been lucky – I can’t seem to stay single here for very long, but I have had several friends with issues. And it really doesn’t seem to be that there is a lack of “good” guys and gals…it seems to be more of a lack of places that these people come out of the woodwork.
That is…few of the “good” options want to meet people at bars, and there just aren’t that many other playgrounds to find people in.
The Barnes and Nobles idea is a good one, and on the same note, check out the local coffee shops (Dacing Dogs, Villa, Starbucks…though if you find that one true love at Starbucks, introduce them to some *real* coffee…) as well, and if you are a regular somewhere, don’t forget to look around!
That last tip is for females in particular – *a lot* of great, single guys have a special greasy spoon or restaruant they go to almost daily, and most don’t mind their morning coffee being interrupted. Most…not all. Learn your body language
I’ll skip the gifts question, since it’s no longer timely, but as to approaches…It really depends on the person and where they are.
For me…I like a guy to pay attention to the details to some degree…Learn something about me before you ask me out or even hit on me. It might seem creepy to “watch from afar” for a minute, or even over the course of a few far-encounters, but it means that when you approach me, you’ve done your homework to some degree – and that will almost always impress me enough to say yes to a date (ya know, assuming I’m single at the time).
The other approach that works on me is to banter with me – I love debating, so a guy that can keep up with me has my attention.
With both of these approaches, but largely the second one because of the context it has to be under, keep it friendly initially. Because of some disillusioning experiences, I will almost always repel if I sense that a guy really is just interested in sex.
Oh, another tip for women out there: Try the Frosty Gator before late hours. It’s a bar…but it also has trivia, and it’s usually not difficult to figure out who is who. There are some really good guys there.
Comment #53
Wendyjo, good luck with all that……
It’s an interesting balance for a woman (or a man, but usually a woman): Wearing a ring (for a number of reasons. My favorite ring only fits my ring finger and its opposite. It often ends up on my ring finger) though unmarried does mean that she has to take on the responsibility of making it known that she’s not married, if she wants romantic attention and in average circumstances that could mean taking the large chunk of initiative in approaching someone.
Many women (seems like especially around here) don’t want that responsibility…but they can’t honestly expect a guy in *this* area to not assume they are married if they are wearing a ring on said finger, especially if it looks like it could be a diamond ring.
It’s a balancing act, at that point.
I’m with Herb. I feel sorry for Wendyjo. Tell your man to buck up and get off his cheap ass and buy you a diamond ring. I don’t care what you say, every woman and I mean EVERY woman wants a nice diamond engagement ring or wedding band. And if you say you don’t I’ll flat out call you a liar.
Tell your live in Doctor boyfriend to stop being such a cheapskate and buy you a diamond.
(just my opinion)
My wife doesn’t dig diamonds…at all. Made buying an engagement ring kind of tough really, because they’re ALL diamonds. Managed to find one that she fell in love with – 3 ink blue sapphires in settings with tiny diamonds in between each set. Middle sapphire is raised. $175, and was a perfect fit for her. Didn’t need to be re-sized. Bought her a band that fits pretty well around the settings on Valentines Day about 6 months after we got married – broke kid that I was couldn’t afford one prior, and she understood.
I picked out a $20 antiqued silver ring with a nifty design on it for my engagement ring/wedding band. Loved that ring. Managed to close it in a door one day, and bent it all kinds of out of whack. Before I could have it straightened back out, I lost it while swimming at Rigby Lake with my wife and kids. I have a $50 “Always and Forever” wedding band now, and it’s made out of titanium or some such, so I haven’t had any bending problems with it.
I hated rings before I got married, but I feel naked without it now. Girls at the gas station don’t flirt with me anymore either, which is a god-send, because I would have probably ended up going home with 5 or 6 of them by now if the ring hadn’t fended them off. Kidding of course, they still flirt with me!
I’m ready for the weekend…
Too funny Marcus!
This is just my opinion and experience from dating a lot of different women over the years.
ALL women like diamonds, period. I do think their are a lot of “cheap” men out there who refuse to buy their womean one and that’s their perogative. But in my opinion, it’s a mans obligation to buy one. But that’s just how I feel about it. You don’t have to spend alot on a diamond ring (even though it’s been said you should spend 2-3 months salary on an engagement ring) When I was dating my wife at the time, I wasn’t making much money back than but I put it on layaway for a year and it worked out fine for me.
On the same token, I have to think the diamond companies have made a fortune over the years with their advertising and “suggestions” that a diamond engagement ring is a “must”. But I think it’s a nice way to show your love for the woman you intend to spend your life with.
Again, I have personally never met a women who didn’t like diamonds. They all do and I can assure you that if given one, they wouldn’t turn it down and they’ll love you to death for it. Now, how long they’ll “love you for it” is another story.
(good side topic btw)
Wow, I just had to interject.
I am a freak of nature (evidently), a woman that doesn’t really care for diamonds.
*GASP*
Yes, it’s true, and no, I’m not lying. Believe it or not, I also know other women who are not so into diamonds.
I much prefer stones with some color in a silver setting, and I also have no desire to walk around with a piece of jewelry that cost more than my car. I’m way too clumsy.
Don’t fall for the diamond hype, and that’s all it is…
HOWEVER
If your woman is one that truly desires a diamond, then she deserves one.
High five! Told you not all women like-a-de-diamonds.
Wow….I guess they are out there. But they are few and far between. I have yet to meet a woman that doesn’t like diamonds. I’m willing to bet if Alice’s husband or signifigant other bought her one, she wouldn’t turn it down.
I’ve actually only been bought one ring, and it had small diamonds with larger purple stones (I don’t recall what they were right off).
No, I wouldn’t turn a diamond ring down, but not because I want one, because of the feelings of the man that purchased it. I’ve always made it quite clear that diamonds are not MY best friend.
I’ll second Alice – a stone with some color and a silver setting = better than just diamonds.
Personally my ideal engagement ring would have a midnight sapphire front and center and two small diamonds on either side of it, in a very simple silver setting. Something sturdy and with lots of roundness to it.
No, I wouldn’t turn down a diamond ring, but I also wouldn’t wear it often, either. I lose things too easily. I’d rather be given something that I don’t feel intimidated to wear often!
One day, at my former job, my boss offered to let me (and a couple of other co-workers) try on her new $10,000.00 engagement rock.
I respectfully said “hell no, I’ll drop it or something”, but she insisted, so I put it on for half a second and gave it right back. I nearly went into vapor lock fearing that it would magically jump from my hand and never be seen again. She just laughed and said, “it’s insured”.
I spent just under 4 grand for my ex wife’s engagement ring back in 92. It was just a tad under 1 carat but the clarity & cut were amazing. She insured it as well in case of any mis-haps. After we got divorced she had it made into a pendant with a nice solid chain for her neck.
I don’t know call me old fashioned, but I just think it’s a nice way for a man to show his love for the women he “intends” to spend his life with. Of course it didn’t work out that way, but I have no regrets and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
The whole idea of exchanging jewelry as a symbol of eternal love seems silly to me; diamonds or not. I’m just not into jewelry, including diamond jewelry.
I don’t wear earrings. Back in the day, my mom allowed me to get my ears pierced and I was happy, happy, happy. Well, I was until I discovered I was allergic to all the earrings, including the hypo-allergenic, the 14 and 24 carat gold, and the sterling silver.
I hate necklaces and bracelets. Stuff hanging around my neck drives me up the wall, and crap around my wrists always catches on other crap. There’s no way in hell I’m piercing my tongue, lip, belly button or anything else. I’m not “hip” and not into experiencing again what my ears did.
What I save on jewelry I spend on treats for my dogs, and they are spoiled and grateful.
Ding ding ding ding!!! I think we have a “tom-boy” in WendyJo! (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
C’mon Wendy, you can admit it, we’ll still love ya!
More than likely you weren’t wearing real 24K gold. You can’t be allergic to gold unless it’s under 18K and is mixed with a copper alloy, nickel or other cheap metals. You most likely had a reaction to those other metals.
I think you’re right anon. I’ve never heard of anyone being allergic to gold unless it was the cheap stuff. But then again, some people just have really sensitive skin, so I imagine it’s quite possible.
Yeah, I’ve been a tom boy since I discovered I could walk and beat up boys. So what?
Don’t tell me I can’t be allergic to 24 carat gold. The jeweler, one of my late uncle’s best friend’s told me it was 24 carat gold. It made my earlobes swell up to more than twice their size, turn red and weep! I know my ears are allergic to 24 carat gold.
So, there!
You go WendyJo! Tomboys are cool! I’ve met more “tom-boys” since moving to Idaho than I can tell you. You guys, errr…. gals are everywhere! I like it though. It’s nice to see women who aren’t afraid to get out and get their hands dirty and work right alongside the guys working hard and playing harder!
Don’t get me wrong, I like me a nice “girly-girl” but tom-boys rock! (I think it has alot to do with the “high-maintanence” factor that tom-boys don’t have. It’s rather refreshing.)
Wow Wendy Jo, what is it about you that makes people want to argue with you lol.
First, there’s no such thing as a woman who doesn’t prefer diamonds, now there is no such thing as being allergic to gold.
I have a friend that is allergic to any metal touching her body, including gold, so it happens.
I do have to say, CR67, that even though I don’t really care for diamonds, I do like your old-fashioned ideas. I think “women’s lib” messed up a lot of the nice, old fashioned things men used to do for women, and I for one miss it.
Luckily I have a man who still opens doors for me and the like, and I enjoy it greatly!
I don’t get the women’s libbers anymore than I get women who need a diamond rock on their hand to feel like their husband loves them. Sure, they did their part back in the day when women weren’t allowed to vote. But for the most part, we, both sexes are treated equally. Anymore the active libbers just look like man haters.
My wife likes the kitchen, so I’ve got no problems!
hee hee Marcus.
On the allergy issue…Interesting.
This I have to say just for the sake of noting it: Even 24 karat gold is still not 100% gold…it is *technically* only 99.9%, which means you still *could* be reacting to something else in it – and that’s certainly the case if it was just a metal plated in gold (my guess is that this has not been the case on at least one occassion, however, given your certainty level).
That said…based on some reading I’ve done in the past, it might not be a bad idea to keep in mind the metals you’re allergic to in your ears and come into contact with them as little as you can on other parts of your body – not likely since my guess is most of the metal you come into contact with if not through jewelry would be the buttons of pants or shirts, and metal surfaces like sinks.
I have a nickel allergy that started in my ears and I thought it was weird that I had no reactions until my second set of peircings, and then it was only to nickel and only in my ears – not other parts of my body, so I did some light research and learned that metal allergies do that – they start one place, but your body can become sensitized to it, and then anywhere contact will cause a breakout…Which I later discovered when the back of the button on my pants caused a random and weird-looking rash (shape of a numer 7).
So…for information’s sake, since I’m guessing nickel is in your litany of allergies as well