Single In This City

Well sure that exists. It comes straight out of self love, not spending ones life searching and wondering and hoping. Who knows better you needs and wants, your innermost desires? If you need someone else to get you that water, you better see if you can handle getting it yourself first. For singles in this city, this area might cover more about what there is to do or even what it’s like being single here - something that relates to IF. (other than the population.) No offense but this seems more like a jilted lover’s musings that might be better in a blahg.

Ehhh, going online to meet locals for dates happens everywhere, please don’t feel you’re less or the city is less because of it.

The problem is there’s no major local dating website. I’d thought of starting one, possibly through here, and I have a script to run it, but a buddy said he also looked into it and a lawyer read him the riot act on all the liabilities.

I was thinking of trying it with a huge ‘i’m not responsible if you have a bad date or get killed’ disclaimer, but then that kinda discourages people from trying.

I don’t know, maybe a blind-dating service, have a form you fill out and I run a matching program that matches as closely as possible, then send emails to the two potential dates to try meeting?

I think there are lots of places singles can meet singles, but are singles willing to think out-of-the box and give what it takes to find those other places? For example, a single pal of mine coaches a teenage basketball team every Sat. morning at 7:00 a.m. Great guy - how many women want to be there as his assistant or to cheer him on, after a long work week? Or, for women who seemingly have to do it all, the grocery store, the business that changes your oil, the store where you shop or the service that you give to others are all places to meet other single people.

I think what bothers me the most about this subject is something that Archy touched on briefly. It seems that many believe their special one will just appear in their daily life. If you are at a desk all day, stay home all weekend, with a few hours for either family/friends/church or other, where are singles creating opportunities to meet others? Volunteering to help with various community projects, getting involved in hobbies or interests can all lead to meeting other people who are single.

There is a saying (and I don’t know who originally said it), but I believe it to be relevant. “Anyone who wants to be married will be married. It’s simply a matter of what traits you are willing to settle for in a potential mate.”

Most certainly true OK4now. Lots of places. And sometimes it’s nice to just go out and check people out. Be judgemental in the most un PC ways about who you might really be attracted to and think a bit about why. Look for people you could “fall in love” with, just see who they are. And aren’t. Don’t act on it. I asked a well connected friend of mine once how he knew so many people. He said ” I just look for people I might like and go say hi.” Just make sure you aren’t carrying in some baggage. It is important to love yourself through and through. The rest will follow.

Baggage Test:
http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/are_you_over_it.html

Alright. onward. Joe’s comment let me to check out a dating site out of curiosity and I had to expand out past a 500 mile radius to find some folks. 1250 to find many. Maybe I’m just an oddball, but it is tough to meet people around here. And my friends suck at matchups. heh. But oh that girl at the bank…

My sister actually met her husband online, so there is one success story at least.

Oh and on the single’s note I saw a poster for speed dating later this month. So get out there, singles. And mingle.

I’ve actually met and dated locals online twice, but I had to sign up for several different dating sites (just the free versions!).

And on Speed Dating, If I were still single, I’d be all over it, but I have never heard of it here. I think it would really fly if more people knew about it. I’d also like to hear how it went if anyone took action on the poster that was mentioned earlier, any stories?

These are great ideas, but the problem is always someone to plan the events. That seems to be where the best plans fall in the dirt, unfortunately.

Maybe singles don’t stay single long enough to start any sort of clubs or meetings, and people who aren’t single don’t have the connection to the cause? Just a thought…

So So true! The more options you give yourself, the better your chances for success.

I hadn’t heard of Doc Phil’s bit, but yeah that just doesn’t seem quite on. A place to chat is one thing, but most people who are that out to score permanent love that fast probably aren’t really ready for a relationship in the first place.

There is to be speed dating on the 16th at the Karate Mart or whatever it’s called. Posters on his doors and at the library.

Archy,

I agree with your thoughts. What is kind of funny to me, is they market these sites as having such advanced knowledge about people, interactions atractions etc. I remember the one tv ad that says, “I meet X and the best part about is I can just be me.”

No doubt, they are giving parts of the Meyers-Briggs testing, and other personality inventories. So when the cards are shuffled, they certainly don’t match a person with their opposite in conflict resolution. People may be a little different in their likes and dislikes, but similar enough to enjoy many of the same things that are key to each person’s existence. However, I think the most important piece  is what are the personality traits each person  has when things aren’t going well? If one melts down and the other absolutely can’t tolerate meltdowns, it’s not a good scene. I’m not sure two meltdowns, at the sametime,  are good matches either.  It seems to me the key is to have a personality match with someone else that what may create a meltdown in one won’t cause the other to have the same reaction. And, on a different day, if the second person has a bad day, hopefully the first person will know how to say just the right, supportive things and help him/her through the rough spots until the meltdown becomes more of a let down, until the first person feels safe and cared about enough to start sharing his/her feelings about what didn’t go well that day.  

 For me IMHO, communcation skills and conflict resolution skills are very important.

Maybe this is one of those issues we have no control over. The more we try to control it…the farther we get from it.
Like losing your keys, or losing weight….
Maybe we just need to lose our hearts and quit trying to search for them. They will turn up when you least expect.

As someone who’s been single in this city for a year now, I can tell you that most people seem to hang out at bars or at church. I’d be more interested in a mixer of some kind at the Eagle Rock Art Museaum or the Carr Gallery. There is LOTS to talk about at those places. I’m not sure I’d be into the Speed Dating, I’m too much of a chicken for that!

I met my husband on match.com iin 2003. It was wierd joining at first, but think of it this way: There is a social circle of friends you hang out with that will never meet other social circles simply because of schedules, geography, etc. My husband and I were perfect for each other but we didn’t hang out in the same areas of town or even shop at the same grocery store. We are happily married with a baby daughter now.

Another thing - we felt safe emailing each other for awhile through the site, which protects your real email. Don’t reveal your real name or where you live until you feel it is safe. We cut through a lot of the “crap” you sort through and question in months of dating over a matter of weeks. Once we got through several potential issues in relationships (ie religion, sex, kids, careers, family life, hobbies) we knew we were ready to meet. We lost track of time on our first (public) date over dinner because we were so enamored with each other. Good luck!